


Plagg Doesn't Understand Creation

by leonardo1123581321



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Crack, Creation, Education, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, No Smut, Pregnancy, not smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 15:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30074646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leonardo1123581321/pseuds/leonardo1123581321
Summary: It went without saying that Plagg was the kwami of destruction. The universe's manifestation of all destruction. So imagine Adrien and Marinette's surprise when they learn that not only does he not understand pregnancy, he doesn't understand creation period.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Plagg/Tikki (Miraculous Ladybug)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 94





	Plagg Doesn't Understand Creation

**Author's Note:**

> This little piece of crack was written as a spur of the moment thing from some convos over at the MLB fanworks discord. If you like this, be sure to come over and join us at the [MLB Fanworks Discord](https://discord.gg/mlfanworks). This was written with the help of Katieykat513, who helped to beta this fic and fill it with some of her crack energy!

Plagg should’ve expected this. He was an immortal manifestation of the concept of destruction. In such matters, he was both omniscient and omnipotent. The stars themselves turned into cosmic dust in his presence! But in other matters, he was no better than humans. Actually, he was worse in regard to one concept since he was physically incapable of understanding such a thing. It was, after all, his polar opposite. Which was something he wished the humans would understand. He didn’t understand what was so hard about understanding his inability to understand either. He was the kwami of Destruction. Creation was not only something he could not do, it was outside his purview. It was so backwards and illogical to him that trying to comprehend it would be like turning a penguin inside out without killing it. It wasn’t going to happen, no matter how hard you pulled on its tongue. And Plagg should know. 

So when Adrien and Marinette found out he had no idea how pregnancy and procreation worked, Plagg got to see that same old dumbstruck expression for what must’ve been the millionth time in his lifetime. Then came the questions. The questions he hated having to answer. Pigtails started first, “So...does that mean you have no idea where babies come from?”

“I know you spit them out like some kind of magic poop,” Plagg sighed, wishing to be left alone so that he could attend to the ministrations of his loving camembert unhindered.

“So...wait, what about all those nature documentaries I had to watch for school? Are you saying you didn’t learn anything from that?” his holder asked.

Plagg shrugged, “All I heard was blah blah blah mating rituals blah blah blah mating season blah blah blah goats hit each other in the head blah blah blah. Now will you two drop it before-”

It was already too late as Pigtails hopped off the couch, revealing her growing belly where the parasite was growing. At least...that was as far as he could comprehend it. While she went through the bookshelves in search of some dusty old thing he was sure was going to be used for another explanation, he had time to reflect on what brought him to this point. 

The two love birds had figured each other’s identity out when they were still only teenagers - a parasite of a different variety. Of course they had. That part always happened. The holders of the black cat and the ladybug miraculously always learned each other’s identities, always fell in love, but didn’t always live happily ever after like they wished. That didn’t seem to be the case so far for Adrien and Marinette, who began their courtship ritual thing shortly after learning each other’s identity. Then came marriage and it was only a matter of time before the babies started showing up. He was happy for them because he could think of only one or two holders who made a cuter couple than these two specifically.

“So how do you think...photography works? Where do you think pictures come from?” Adrien asked, snapping him out of his thoughts. It was a good thing Tikki wasn’t here to laugh at his misunderstanding of things in her purview. But part of him was sure his polar opposite kwami was out in the house somewhere laughing her butt off at his expense.

“You humans use a magic box that steals souls and turns them to paper. Duh,” Plagg answered, relieved he at least understood how that worked. Or so he thought until Adrien began snickering at him. Perhaps he was too confident in his answer. 

Then Adrien asked another one, “Wait, wait...okay...where do you think eggs come from?”

“What’s to understand? It’s hardened bird poop. Are we done now?” Plagg groaned as Adrien finally burst out in full on laughter. Adrien’s laughing was cut short when Pigtails slapped her husband’s lap and shooed him across the couch to make room. Plagg groaned from familiarity. Now came the part with the charts, and the figures, and the visual aids...wait, they better not do a demonstration. Because then he was out!

“Okay...so here’s how it works. It begins when a-” Pigtails began only to stop when Plagg zipped over and closed her mouth.

“Man and a woman love each other more than society says they should and blah blah blah, stork delivers the baby. Sorry, kiddos. I’ve listened to this more times than I care to count and let me tell you, I still don’t get it or care,” Plagg interrupted. He took a moment to make sure his message was clear before letting go of her mouth and zipping back to where he started.

Of course, Pigtails started talking as soon as he let go, “It’s just...how can you not get it? You’ve been around humans forever! What part of this don’t you understand?”

“Oh, I kinda get it. You humans just get worked up about my explanation and tell me I’m wrong. Which I don’t get because it’s technically correct,” Plagg answered.

“Coming from the guy who thinks photos are stolen souls,” Adrien chortled, trying his best to cover his mouth. Plagg just rolled his eyes and returned his attention back to Pigtails who he was fairly certain hadn’t blinked once since he came out here. By Tikki, that stare was terrifying. He didn’t understand how Adrien could get lost in that wide eyed and unblinking stare.

“So...how do you think babies work?” Marinette asked.

“The guy pees on you, a parasite appears, and then you poop out a mini you. It’s budding. Like sponges,” Plagg answered. Yup, they were staring again. Then came the laughter. At least they weren’t trying to correct him this time. That was definitely an improvement. Now if only they would stop laughing at him.

“You...you understand budding but not reproduction?” Marinette gasped between fits of laughter. 

“Not really? But I figure all baby making is just spitting out a mini you so it all counts as budding, right?” Plagg answered. Their roars of laughter were beginning to get on his nerves. 

“Is it...is it because of the whole creation aspect? Is that it?” Marinette asked. 

Plagg groaned, “For the millionth time, yes! I’m the kwami of  _ destruction _ , not  _ creation _ . I am incapable of understanding how creating anything works. Like painting! You stab a brush at a canvas and somehow it bleeds the picture?”

“That’s not even close to right and I am embarrassed for you,” Adrien snorted.

After a few more moments of silently ruminating on their laughter, Marinette composed herself enough to ask, “So wait! How do you think cooking works? Like rice?”

“I think it’s sick. You drown rice grains in water then eat their bloated corpses,” Plagg stuck his tongue out in disgust. He had to note that Pigtails’ face turned green at his explanation while Adrien doubled over laughing. 

“I hate that answer. It’s bad,” Marinette shook her head. 

“Okay, okay. I got one! How do you think baking cakes works?” Adrien asked. Plagg was sure this was only the beginning of their questions and he prepared himself for a long night of answering more questions. 

“I don’t know. You throw a bunch of powder, milk, and eggs into a bowl and mix it into a paste. Then through a heating process that I can only assume is some form of magic fermentation, it comes out looking like a sponge,” Plagg answered quietly, “A delicious sponge, but nowhere as good as ripened cheese. Also, I’m about ninety percent sure all cake is just dry beer.”

And now they were back to laughing at his expense. He really hated this part about when humans asked him about stuff he couldn’t understand.

Thankfully, he was saved when Tikki flew out of the kitchen holding a half eaten cookie between her nubs, “Whatcha guys laughing at?”

“Plagg,” Adrien started, having to stop to keep laughing, “Doesn’t...doesn’t understand pregnancy. Or creation!”

Tikki just stared and continued to eat her cookie in silence. Plagg was certain she was about to burst out laughing too, joining them in making fun of his inability to comprehend the subject. So imagine his surprise when Tikki finished her cookie and asked a simple question, “What’s so funny about that?”

“Because...because he thinks it’s like sponges,” Adrien managed between laughter. 

Tikki just shrugged, “So? I don’t get how destruction works. Do you guys think that’s funny?”

Marinette and Adrien both stopped laughing, turning to look at the red kwami with great big smiles on their faces. Plagg was more than certain where this was heading. It was a nice surprise to see Tikki not laughing at his expense for once. He hadn’t really expected that after more life times than he cared to admit. But now he was sure they were about to laugh at her expense. And he was not gonna have that. Not at his sugar cube’s expense.

“Here’s an idea. How about we drop this subject entirely and I don’t cataclysm the house?” Plagg said quickly, trying to end this as abruptly as he knew.

“PLAGG!” the two humans scolded him. He was sure from the look Tikki was giving him that she was both thankful and disapproving.


End file.
